Funny Crime Stories

Criminal defense is serious business. Our client’s freedom, future, family, and even their lives may be on the line when we take on a case.

But, it’s ok to laugh a little sometimes, right?

For your enjoyment and dinner party conversations, here are some funny crime stories that I’ve been saving up…

What Better Evidence Do You Need?

A South Carolina man was charged with unlawful possession of a handgun. And, has a tattoo of a handgun tattooed on his forehead. Awkward…

Motion to Exclude My Client’s Name…

In Florida, a woman named Crystal Methvin was arrested and charged with… possession of crystal meth of course. Motion in limine?

License, Please

When a bank robber demanded money from a cash machine in the bank lobby, a quick-thinking bank teller informed him that the machine required a driver’s license to work. So, he gave the teller his own driver’s license which later led the police to arrest him.

Officer, Can You Test My Drugs?

Florida again. A man called the police department and asked them if they could test his meth because he thought his dealer sold him a bad batch… of course we can, they said. Come on down, they said. And he did – he walked into the police department and handed them his meth just before they put cuffs on him.

“Remember, our detectives are always ready to assist anyone who believes they were misled in their illegal drug purchase,” the department later said on Facebook.

You Never Count Your Money ♫ ♫ (Cue the Gambler)

An Alaskan bank robber handed the teller a hold-up note that was scribbled on the back of an affordable housing form that had his personal information on it. Police then found him sitting outside the bank counting his money

“This is probably the quickest [apprehension] in recent history, at least locally for Anchorage,” an FBI spokesperson said.

Trade In-Kind?

A sheriff in Colorado listed his SUV for sale on Craigslist and got an offer to buy it. Only, the buyer wanted to pay in weed

The sheriff set up the deal, met with the buyer, and arrested him when they found approximately four pounds of marijuana in his car.

Snacking During Your Burglary is a Bad Idea

Three burglars broke into a Build-a-Burger in New York in 2015. Carefully planning their operation, they took the entire surveillance system with them as well.

Police, not to be discouraged by the lack of surveillance video, just followed the trail of “cash register parts, surveillance system parts, rubber gloves, loose change,” and bits of stolen macaroni salad that the suspects were snacking on as they made their getaway…

Check, Please

A man in Arkansas tried to pay for a meal at a restaurant using a credit card that he stole… from his waitress.

Of course, I’ve got plenty of great stories from my own law practice, but… confidentiality. Your secrets are safe with me.

Charleston, SC Criminal Defense Lawyer

Have funny crime stories? We all need a good laugh sometimes – please leave them in the comments.

Need a criminal defense attorney in Charleston? We understand that your case is no laughing matter – call Charleston criminal defense attorney Grant B. Smaldone now at (843) 808-2100 or send me an email to discuss your case today.